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Great Expectations

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14 Pip visits Estella and Miss Havisham again

Before taking Magwitch abroad，I felt I must see both Estella and Miss Havisham．When I visited Estella's London home，I found she had gone to stay with Miss Hav－isham，and so，leaving Magwitch in Herbert's care，I went by coach to the town I knew so well．

Before walking to Miss Havisham's，I went to the hotel for breakfast．It was an unpleasant shock to discover Bentley Drummle there，but I could imagine his reason for visiting the area．When he noticed me，he immediately called to the waiter，making sure I could hear，‘Listen，you！The lady isn't going riding today．And remember，I'm not having dinner here tonight，I'll be at the lady's．’And Drummle smiled wickedly at me，knowing that what he said cut me to the heart．He went out，shouting for his horse．

If he had spoken Estella's name，I would have hit him．I was so angry with him，and so depressed about my future，that I could not eat the breakfast．Instead I went straight to the old house．

I found Miss Havisham and Estella sitting in the same room，with candles burning as usual．

‘Miss Havisham，’I said，‘I must tell you that I'm as unhappy as you ever wanted me to be．I've discovered who has been paying for my education．Now I know I shall never be rich，or important．I cannot tell you any more．It isn't my secret，but another person's．’I stopped，considering what to say next．

‘Go on，’said Miss Havisham，looking interested．

‘I thought it was you，Miss Havisham！And you encouraged me in my mistake！’

‘Why should I be kind to anybody after all I've suffered！’cried Miss Havisham angrily．

‘Yes，you're right，’I said quickly，to calm her．‘But you also encouraged your relations to think I would inherit some of your fortune．’

‘Why shouldn't I？’she cried wildly．

‘But Matthew Pocket and his son are different．They aren't selfish or greedy，they're generous and honest．I want you to know that．’

She looked carefully at me．‘What do you want for them？’

‘I'm asking for money，’I replied，my cheeks red．‘I would like you to help my friend Herbert become a partner in his company．I started paying for this myself two years ago-and I want to keep it a secret from him－but now I find I can't continue the payments．I can't explain why．It's part of the other person's secret．

Miss Havisham looked at the fire，and then at me again．

‘What else？’she asked．

Turning to Estella，I tried to control my trembling voice．‘You know I love you，Estella，’I said．‘I have loved you long and dearly．’She shook her head．

‘I know，I know I have no hope of ever marrying you，Estella．But I have loved you ever since I first saw you in this house．It was cruel of Miss Havisham to encourage me to hope，but I don't think she meant to be unkind．’

‘What you say，’said Estella very calmly，‘doesn't touch my heart．I can't feel love as you do． And I've warned you of this．Haven't I？’

‘Yes，’I answered miserably，‘but I couldn't believe it．’

‘It's the way I've been brought up．’

‘Estella，Bentley Drummle is in town here．You go riding with him，don't you？Is he having dinner with you tonight？’

‘It is all true，’she answered，a little surprised．

‘You cannot love him，Estella！’I cried．

‘Didn't you listen？I can never love anyone！’And then she added，‘But why not tell you the truth？ I'm going to marry him．’

I covered my face with my hands．After a moment I lifted my head and cried，‘Dont't throw yourself away on an animal like him！Even if you won't marry me，there must be others who love you．Any of them would be a thousand times better than Drummle！’

‘I can't marry a man who expects me to love him．So Drummle will do well enough as my husband．You will soon forget me．’

‘Never，Estella！You are part of myself．You are in every line I've read，in every view I've seen，in every dream I've dreamt．To the last hour of my life，you will remain part of me． God bless you and God forgive you！’I held her hand to my lips for a moment．As I left，Estella's lovely face looked at me in wonder，but Miss Havisham was staring at me with a mixture of pity and guilt．

It was all over．To calm my feelings I walked all the way back to London．At night the Temple gates were always closed，but the night－porter let me in when I told him my name．He gave me an envelope addressed to Mr Pip．Inside，in Wemmick's writing，it said：‘DON’T GO HOME．’